Mandarin Zkittles Shake by Simply Herb Review: Maybe there IS hope for Chicago dispensary pot after all..

Among the reasons I started my own Cannabis Blog was the opportunity to finally give dispensary pot a chance. I have long dismissed the legal recreational marijuana in this city as nothing but a shameless cash grab targeting tourists and occasional Cannabis dabblers. These were the only demographics, I felt, that would not gawk at the shamelessly inflated retail prices and taxes, which, at upwards of 20%, are among the highest recreational marijuana tax rates in the country. The tax on recreational marijuana flower is double than that of our western neighbor, Michigan. The only state with a higher tax rate is California, a state infamous for its especially punishing tax policies. Obviously, REAL stoners would know better than to shop at an establishment that charges $65 for an eighth ounce of weed in a populated American city in 2023. The same places of business that would look you in the eye and, with all seriousness, charge these types of prices could NEVER offer a kind of deal similar to what is offered on the street. Right? Maybe not.

I figured the first strategy to employ in my cannabis blogging journey was to discover the best “bang for your buck”. If it was indeed possible to sustain the insatiable appetite of a working-class stoner with marijuana bought from these dispensaries, at a decent price, I wanted to find out.

I prefer to buy my pot in bulk to save time and money, so, naturally, I figured if I was to find anything affordable, it would be in higher quantities. I also found it necessary to mind the complicated Cannabis Tax Policy in Illinois where marijuana products with THC percentage over 35% are taxed at a higher rate. However, this only really applies to waxes and other concentrates, so it would be best to stick to raw flower products, in order to benefit from the smallest tax-rate. There are a few different categories of flower products to consider. The category I set my sights on was among the cheapest of cannabis products. It goes by the name of “shake”. “Shake” is, essentially, marijuana crumbs. Similar to the fine, almost powdery cereal at the bottom of the bag. The potency is the same as cannabis in nuggets, however, the higher surface area, due to the smaller pieces, can make shake susceptible to drying out. It is not uncommon to buy dispensary shake and find that it is already too dry, affecting the flavor and making it too harsh to smoke comfortably. There is no real standard for what constitutes “shake”. The term itself feels dodgy. The consistency and texture of “shake” can often be inconsistent. It could contain more or less stems, sugarleaf bits, keef, or even seeds. It is sold for similar reasons the butcher sells meat trimmings. It is a byproduct of the cannabis manufacturing process that still contains the same THC, terpenes, flavonoids, and other various cannabinoids found in Cannabis nugs, therefore, it still retains value. The inherent risks involved in buying “shake” result in a lower price tag. It is not a classy cannabis product, nor is it a cannabis product for anyone looking for the most ultra premium cannabis experience. For me and my quest to find affordable dispensary pot, however, it was my best shot. If I could find some shake on sale, I could get even closer to my goal.

My search brougt me to Sunnsyside dispensary in River North where I settled on a 28g bag of Mandarin Zkittles Shake by Simply Herb, an indica. My experience at Sunnyside was pleasant. Immediately, I was encouraged when my budtender mentioned his fondness of this strain, even more enticing was his emphasis on its aroma, lamenting that it smells, and tastes, like “Florida Oranges.” Only later did I learn just how much of an understatement that really was. The total price before tax was $95, which was the 20% off sale price. With the borderline criminal, $24.94 in taxes, the total came out to $120.

The pungent, orange aroma struck me the moment I opened the sunnyside bag. Next, I had to open the shake. Simply Herb utilizes a type of packaging apparently trademarked “pinch and slide.” The design includes a pull tab seal on top, followed by what I can only describe as a sandwich bag seal on steroids. Seriously, it is downright PAINFUL opening this bag. It is so difficult to pull apart the seal that you risk launching your shake in the air the moment the seal breaks under the agonizing pressure required to open it. To try and fix this issue, the design includes industrial sandpaper grip patches (not joking) on the corners of the package to make it easier to break and pull apart the seal. The idea seems solid enough, but in practice, it proves to be more of a gimmick. I found it just as difficult to open the package, using the grips, as I did without using the grips. The rough, abrasive sandpaper grips also cause extreme discomfort as it requires a lot of strength to get them to slide the bag open. This is obviously for child safety. I, personally, think that making it THIS difficult to get into the bag is overkill. You do not see similar child safety measures on alcoholic products that have more health risks than marijuana. The overengineered bag has not aged well either. It often fails to fully seal after repeated openings. Sealing the packing by sliding your fingers across the top is made even more difficult and uncomfortable by the sandpaper grips. I would reccomend adding the shake to a personal stash jar for this reason. Another thing to note is that there seems to be a variant of this product that comes in a plastic jar. I would much prefer a jar, if I had the choice. I hope that this bag is only used when they run out of jars.

That aside, I was pleased with the consistency of the product. I would describe it as slightly more coarse than pure kief, but just coarse enough to make it smokeable by itself. The only impurities are tiny bits of stems. In spite of the stems, the texture feels powdery. I wouldn't be surprised if it had gone through some sort of grinding. The aroma is unambiguously and even uncannily orange-y. I can honestly say that I have never experienced weed that smelled like ANYTHING more than this shake smells like oranges. It almost feels fake, though I'm sure it is not. In fact, the novelty of the smell alone would be enough for me to recommend this product without even taking into consideration it’s high.

So how is the high? Personally, I found the high from this shake to be everything an indica should be. At 23.5% THC, it is plenty potent. Like most indicas, it has been great against my insomnia. Also, like most indicas, it makes me want to eat everything in the fridge. The flavor is (you guessed it) intoxicatingly orange-y. I do have to say that the issue of dry shake is, unfortunately, still here, albeit mildly. I noticed the slight dry flavor and harshness, immediately, when I first smoked the Mandarin Zkittles. Over the course of my testing, around 2 weeks, the unreliable seal has also noticeably made the shake even dryer and diminished the aroma.

Overall, I am impressed with this shake by Simply Herb. At around $4.29/gram, it is the most comparable bulk flower price to my black-market standard goal of $3.21/gram. No doubt this product is of a higher potency and quality than black market budget ounces, as well. I can honestly see this potent bag of shake lasting me another couple weeks. This product is for anyone looking for the cheapest bulk dispensary prices, or for anyone who benefits from an indica high and appreciates the taste and aroma of Florida Oranges. This experience has taught me that the legal recreational cannabis market in Chicago may have SOME hope.